•EIGHTEEN YEARS•

Ten years ago, I could not have told you that our marriage would make it. To be honest, I cannot say that I wanted it to

I hated Will. Not “I don’t like Will” – I HATED HIM

My preacher’s wife suggested counseling. I rolled my eyes, huffed in frustration, and scheduled an appointment. In reality, I didn’t want to “fix” the marriage, I wanted someone to tell me that it was ok to end it

As we walked into the counselor’s office, my blood was boiling, but my exterior was ice cold. They both felt it

I walked with intention past the “counselor sofa”, where couples are asked to sit together. I sat in a lone chair, across the room from Will, facing directly at him. I wanted no obstacles between us – I wanted him to see the anger in my face

The counselor handed us each a small piece of paper. He asked for us to write a number, one through ten, and hand it back to him. The number was to reflect what we ranked our marriage, and if we wanted to put in the work to save it. Will’s number was higher, much higher

Next, the counselor asked for each of us to write five simple, and tangible items that made us smile. Frustrated, and not sure what any of this had to do with me despising my husband, I wrote:
Diet Root Beer
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Snickers
Pens
Books

Since Will wanted the relationship to work more, the homework was assigned to him. The counselor asked for him to choose one item from my list, and take it to me, every single day

Day One:
Will walked into my office, did not say a word, put the Diet Root Beer on my desk, and walked out

Day Seven:
Will walked into my office, said “Hi” to my teammates, put the chocolate chip cookie on my desk, and walked out

Day Twenty:
Will walked into my office, said “Hi” to my teammates, said “Hi” to me, put the Snickers on my desk, and walked out

Day Twenty-Eight:
Will walked into my office, said “Hi” to my teammates, kissed me on the forehead, put the Diet Root Beer and cookie on my desk, and walked out

I cannot explain what happened during those thirty days. No conversations, no hugs, no nods of understanding, but somewhere along the way, the ice broke

Did a small token each day save our marriage? Logically, no. In reality, yes. For Will to make a choice, every single day, to walk into my office, in the direct line of enemy fire, deliver a token, and walk out without a “thank you”, or a simple smile – showed determination

His determination broke the ice

The broken ice allowed for conversation

Conversation lead to communication

Communication led to healing

“Sometimes” said Pooh, “the smallest things take up the most room in your heart” 

Happy Anniversary, Will