Barbie Got It Wrong

I‘m supposed to be “exempt” from watching Barbie, right? I mean, come on…. I’m a 40-something business owner, wear solid black every — single — day [occasionally I spice things up and wear red shoes], and have been immune from childhood fantasies and glitter for years.

So tell me, how in the world did I find myself walking past a hot-pink-Hummer-limo, and into a crowded theater, filled with women of all ages, decked out in their best Barbie outfits?

I’ll tell you how, a Hassie made me do it.

Fine, you’re right — no one can “make” me do anything I don’t want to do. HOWEVER, Hassie never asks for anything, so when Hassie asks, I do.

We settled into our seats, sweet & salty snacks in hand, and all iPhones set to silent [the movie previews told me I was a hero for doing this — so, WIN!!].

You know what happens next… Beautiful Barbie steps into the spotlight, pink dominates every pixel of the screen, singing, dancing, and blah, blah, blah…

I sit in sheer joy, radiating with pride, ecstatic that I get to tell everyone the movie was horrible, just as I had predicted.

Surely, the movie is wrapping up. All the Kens, Barbies, and pink swirls are almost done, right? WRONG. 

America Ferrara took center stage, and commanded the theater’s attention: 

It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.

THIS!! This right here…this is where Barbie got it wrong.

Barbie was supposed to be a joke.

Barbie was supposed to be a light-hearted, make me giggle on a crappy day, afternoon movie.

Barbie was supposed to be a lot of things, but a movie that resonated? Completely unexpected.